Want to be a Better Listener? Ask yourself this simple question...

Mark Bunting
Mar 14
2 min read

If you want to improve your communication, the key isn’t just speaking more clearly—it’s listening more effectively. And one simple internal question can transform the way you listen to others:

Do they want to be helped, heard, or held?

When someone is speaking, pause and consider what they truly need in that moment. By identifying whether they seek help, acknowledgment, or emotional support, you can tailor your response to better meet their needs.

1. Do They Want to Be Helped?

Some people share their challenges because they’re looking for solutions. They want guidance, advice, or practical steps to move forward. If you sense that someone is seeking help, you might respond with suggestions, brainstorming, or offering your own experience as insight. But before jumping in with advice, it’s always good to check: “Would you like my thoughts on that?”

2. Do They Want to Be Heard?

Other times, people just need to express themselves without interruption, judgment, or solutions. They aren’t looking for you to fix anything—they just need to know someone is truly listening. In these cases, the best thing you can do is give them your full attention, acknowledge their experience, and reflect back what they’re saying. Simple responses like “That sounds really frustrating” or “I can see why you’d feel that way” can make a world of difference.

3. Do They Want to Be Held?

Not literally, necessarily—but emotionally. Some moments call for comfort rather than conversation. When someone is struggling, what they need most is reassurance, warmth, and connection. Instead of words, a supportive silence, a hand on their shoulder, or saying, “I’m here for you,” can be the most powerful response.

By making a habit of asking yourself this question—helped, heard, or held?—you become a more thoughtful and intentional listener. And when people feel truly listened to, communication improves naturally.