Watch & Learn
Video content from Mark's workshops, keynotes, and conversations about communication and connection.
Backdraft
Ever been offended by something someone said — and then found out they meant something completely different? That's not a communication problem. That's Backdraft. In the OPEN Flames world, every time we communicate we're passing a flame. We each have a natural flame colour — the way we send information, and the way we receive it. Here's the thing: people's intent is almost always good. It's not what they said. It's how they said it. And that "how" is their flame colour landing on yours. Here are 5 signs it's happening to you right now: You finish someone's sentence in your head before they've finished it out loud You feel hurt or angry — but you haven't asked what they actually meant You're already planning your comeback while they're still talking Someone's short with you and you assume they're angry — when they're just busy You've had an argument about something the other person swears they never said Next time that flash of irritation hits, ask yourself this before you react: "Am I reacting to what they meant — or just how they said it?" That one question will save you more arguments than you can imagine.
Fake it Till You Make it
"Fake it till you make it" gets dismissed as motivational fluff. I'd like to push back on that. Here's what it actually means — and why the science backs it up. You can't directly decide to feel confident. You can't think your way out of anxiety. Emotions are stubborn. They don't respond well to commands. But language? Language is remarkably responsive. You can choose your words right now, in this conversation, before you've changed a single thing about your circumstances. And here's what happens when you consistently choose better language: you start thinking those thoughts. And while you're thinking them, you can't simultaneously think the opposite. Beliefs shape feelings. Feelings shape thoughts. Thoughts shape words. But the chain also works in reverse. Words → Thoughts → Feelings → Beliefs. Words are the easiest entry point. Not fake. Not dishonest. Just strategically choosing the most useful version of your truth. That's not toxic positivity. That's intelligent self-leadership.
August 2026Start the Conversation Right
Try This in Your Next Conversation Next time someone asks how you are, don't say "fine." Don't say "busy." Don't say "not bad." Say one genuinely good thing. Something real. Something specific. "I had a great conversation with a client this morning." "I figured something out today that had been bugging me for weeks." "We're making real progress on something that actually matters." Then watch what happens. Watch the energy shift in the room. Watch how the other person leans in and responds differently. Watch how you feel, two minutes into the conversation, compared to how you felt at the start. We're conditioned to bond over busyness and struggle — it feels relatable, safe, easy. But it quietly sets a ceiling on the conversation before it's even begun. One good thing. Said out loud. To another human being. That's where momentum starts.
August 20265 Ways to Change Your Mood With Your Mouth
Are Your Words Working Against You? We all know that words matter when we’re communicating with other people. But what about the words you use when you’re talking about yourself? There are phrases we throw around every day without giving them a second thought. They sound harmless. They’re often true. But repeated often enough, they can quietly shape how you think, how you behave and how other people perceive you. Here are five worth challenging. 1. “I’m exhausted.” Try: “I’m ready for a good night’s sleep.” You’re still tired. You’re not pretending otherwise. But instead of reinforcing depletion, you’re focusing on what you need next. 2. “This is a nightmare.” Try: “This is a challenge I’m working through.” One puts you at the mercy of the situation. The other puts you back in the driver’s seat. The problem hasn’t changed. Your position in relation to the problem has. 3. “I can’t afford it.” Try: “That’s not where my money’s going right now.” Sometimes “I can’t afford it” is absolutely true. But often, what we really mean is, “That’s not a priority for me.” There’s a big difference between having no choice and making a choice. 4. “I’m so stressed.” Try: “I’ve got a lot on, and I’m handling it.” You can acknowledge pressure without handing it the microphone. You have a lot on. And you’re dealing with it. That’s a very different message. 5. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” Try: “I’m figuring it out and getting better every day.” This isn’t about toxic positivity. It’s not about pretending everything is fine when it isn’t. It’s about giving yourself language that leaves the door open for a solution. Your words are doing more than you think. Every time you speak, you’re reinforcing a story. About yourself. About your circumstances. About what’s possible. And other people are listening to that story too. Your words can make you sound defeated or capable. Reactive or considered. Stuck or resourceful. That’s why communication isn't just about choosing the right words for other people. It starts with becoming aware of the words you habitually use yourself. So, here’s the challenge: Pick one phrase you use regularly. Change it for a week. Not because the new version is “more positive”. Because it might be more useful. And sometimes, changing the way you talk is the first step towards changing the way you think, respond and lead. What are you saying that might be working against you?
August 2026The 3 C's of presentation
Want to nail any speech, any pitch, any tricky conversation? There's only three things you actually need. The three C's — a framework I picked up from Peter Novak. Number one — comfortable. Not comfortable like nothing bothers you. Comfortable with your discomfort. And that only comes one way — rehearsing. You practice your way into calm. Number two — conversational. Drop the “presentation voice.” Nobody trusts that tone. Breathe. Pause. Let it sound like you talking to a person, not reading at a room. And here's the thing — that only shows up once you're comfortable. Here's what most people get wrong about conversational: they think it means winging it. It doesn't. Conversational is a tool — and you can't use a tool you haven't practiced. You want to take the audience with you. That takes rehearsal. Sounding natural is not the same as being unprepared. Number three — confidence. When you know what you're doing, it shows. You walk in backing yourself, and people feel that before you've said a word. Comfortable. Conversational. Confident. Get those three stacked in order, and you'll nail it. Every time.
August 2026Failing to Plan is Planning to Fail!
Here's a paradox: the best "off the cuff" moments are never actually off the cuff. Failing to plan is planning to fail. The better prepared you are, the more you can deviate from the plan and riff — because you've actually got something to riff from. No plan, nothing to bend. You're just making it up. I've used this everywhere — radio, council, funerals, the stage, the classroom. And every time I've fallen flat on my face, it's come down to the same thing: not being prepared, thinking I was better than I am. The more prepared I am, the more spontaneous I get to be.
August 2026Shine My Light
There’s one question that squashes the fear of public speaking for good — and it has nothing to do with you. Ask yourself: where am I shining my light? When we speak, our biggest fear is all about us. How do I look? What do they think of me? Is my voice squeaking? That’s you, shining the light straight back on yourself. But turn that light around — shine it on your audience — and the worry changes completely. Now you’re only asking the questions that matter: are they taking in what I’m putting out? Are they picking up what I’m putting down? Are they feeling it? Think of a spotlight. Pointed at you, you’re blinded — you can’t see a thing. Pointed at them, everything changes. And the fear has nowhere left to live.
July 2026Wavelengths
Right now, your brain is trying to sync up with someone else's — but thanks to scrolling, you've got about half a second to make it happen. That's not a metaphor. Scientists have found that when two people are truly in flow together, their brainwaves rise and fall in sync. Even their pupils dilate together. And here's why it matters more than ever: the U.S. Surgeon General has declared loneliness a public health epidemic, with health impacts comparable to smoking up to fifteen cigarettes a day. We're more "connected" than any generation in history — and lonelier than ever. The Dalai Lama's take cuts through the noise: we're not built to go it alone. We're pack animals. We survive because of the tribe, not despite it. So the real skill isn't charisma. It's getting onto someone else's wavelength, fast, on purpose. That's what this week is about. Facebook Ever notice how some conversations just click — and others feel like you're speaking two different languages? 🎧 Turns out that's not just a feeling. When two people are truly connected, their brainwaves actually start moving in sync. Even their pupils dilate together. But here's the catch: thanks to scrolling, we've all got a much smaller window to make that happen than we used to.
July 2026A Speech is Only Three Things
Here’s the one thing almost everyone gets wrong about public speaking. We think giving a great speech is some terrifying, rare gift — you’ve either got it or you haven’t. Rubbish. A great, engaging speech is just three simple things: 1. Killer content — something genuinely worth saying 2. Stunning delivery — the way you bring it to life 3. A likeable personality — someone the room actually wants to listen to That’s it. That’s the whole game. And when you see it as just three boxes to tick, it stops being scary and starts being the easiest thing in the world.
July 2026Glossophobia
Scared of public speaking? Good. That means you’re human. A hundred people staring at you normally means you’re in strife — so of course your body panics. But here’s the reframe I give everyone I coach: The moment you walk on stage, you’re not 6 foot — you’re 12. Add a microphone? Loudest war cry in the room. Throw you up on the big screen? Your head’s 15 feet high. The odds just flipped. And those 100 people aren’t there to fight you — they’re there to HEAR you. This week I’m giving away everything I know about standing up and absolutely nailing it. Because beating that fear is one of the greatest joys you can have with your clothes on.
July 2026Sound Bites
If You're writing a speech - never fear the cheese!
March 2026